My Heart...

I am sitting here the weekend before Eden's life-changing surgery, praying, asking God for peace and strength.  God gives me a thought and I want to share it with you...bare with me, it might take some gettin' to!
I look at Eden, I rub her head [constantly] and I just pray from the depths of my heart that God will heal her.  I cry out to God in silence, 'why does Eden even have to have surgery?  It's not fair, she doesn't even know what's going to happen to her.  She doesn't even get a warning or a say in what is going to happen.'  But then I think, 'It's ok, I am just doing what I know is best for her.  She looks at me with complete trust, I mean, what choice does she have, she's a baby?  Even though surgery is going to hurt, even though she doesn't know what is going to happen...it's what I feel is the best way to care for her and in the long run she will see the good come from something 'not so great'. 
These thoughts and feelings all stem from something I have been struggling with a lot lately...Why does God get to know all that is going to happen with us and we are just along for the ride?  Why do we just have these bad surprises happen to us without a warning?  We just go about life with complete trust in God and then wham-surprise!
Soooo here is the thought-try to follow...God loves me like I love Eden.  He cares for me like I care for Eden.  He wants only what is best for me even when I think it's not so great.  So just like I am doing what is best for Eden even though it's hard and painful and 'not so great', God does what He knows is best for me even when it's not easy, even when it brings tears, he does it because he loves me and in the long run he knows what is best and knows I will see the good come out of it.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I'm sure I have completely confused some of you on what I am saying, but this is heavy on my heart lately as I have had a few different 'not so great' surprises happen in my life.  I have found myself questioning what is fair and just and trying to understand the why of everything.  God brought this peace to my heart.  I had to share it with you!  So I hope it's understandable and maybe even helpful to more then just myself.

It is unreal to me that in just a couple days we are going to take our sweet, developmentally stable, seemingly perfectly healthy daughter in for a surgery that is so easy and common in the hospital, but so life-changing for her in her daily life.  I try not to think of all the 'what ifs' but I find myself worrying about things that haven't even happened yet...you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now.  After all, I have been doing this 'worry before there's anything to worry about' thing since before Eden was born and she has been proving me wrong since! 

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?  Matthew 6:25-27

And another great verse about worry:

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.  Matthew 6:34